Suicide
Just recently, the brother of a person exceedingly close to me committed suicide. There was a note, but as in most cases, there were no outward indications of the intention of taking one’s own life.
This person close to me, someone that I’ve known my entire adult life, has been many times when he was the only person that was there for me. The epitome of someone one would die for. How many people are in your life could you genuinely say that about?
However, if I’m being honest here, I’m not the most feeling person. I find it difficult to emphasize or sympathize, somewhat self-centered. I have to force myself to see things from the view of others. It pains me to not be able to voice those condolences as a “normal” person would.
I tend to view things through the lens of Scripture, not “religion”, Scripture. In a nutshell, I believe that not one life or death happens outside of the direct knowledge and permission of God.
I often say that I live only by the Grace and Mercy of the Lord. My time on this earth is dictated by He who created me, the one who knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
I was born with skin cancer. If left alone, I wouldn’t have seen my 3rd birthday. 13 years later and about 40 surgeries later, man’s medicine failed and the doctors gave up.
My mother, not a very devout person but understanding the power of prayer, pleaded with the Lord for my life. Within a six month timespan, the cancer was taken from me, without a trace that it had ever been.
Forward on a few years, I found myself holding a gun in my mouth. Reasons why are unimportant. At the moment that all I had to do is cock the hammer and pull the trigger, a thought popped into my head, far removed from the other thoughts that were knocking around, this one, paraphrased, was “the coming show is not to be missed…”
Then again, a few years after this, the suicidal thoughts came again. This time though, there was someone to help me through it. This person had led me to be saved.
My Christian walk has not been without its ups and downs. I have sinned much since, but I have this belief, deep down, that He wants me here and there’s nothing I can do that will shorten or lengthen the time I have allotted me.
In this, I believe that no one can commit suicide without the direct knowledge and permission of God.
God has given me ample time, warnings and admonishments. So much so, that if I can be saved and be used to spread His Word, then anyone can be saved.
Or, at the very least, He’s using me as an example of how *not* to be…
For those suffering the loss of someone through suicide, know this: It will be painful, a pain that follows you through your remaining days, but it is not in vain. There is a reason this has happened and it is my most sincere prayer that God will help you understand it and guide you through it.
He did this for me, He can do it for you as well.