My Human Resources department is about to come down on us with a policy of “the proper use a personal pronouns.” I plan to respond with this, but I would appreciate feedback:
I’m Catholic. Not that that has anything to do with gender, but it’s what I believe. You might be Catholic, or Atheist, Muslim, Jewish, Methodist, Lutheran, etc. I would never ask you to give up what you believe and accept what I believe. But by asking us to use the pronouns of their choice you are already acknowledging that there are two different belief systems at play here.
The Gender Fluid believe that someone can be born male or female and can just declare themselves to be something else and choose their own personal pronouns. The Gender Honest believe that we are born male or female and there is nothing we can do about that. I’m sorry they don’t like their birth gender, but I didn’t choose that.
It doesn’t matter how much they don’t want to be their birth gender, or act like it, or feel like it, or dress like it, or look like it, or have surgeries to be something other than their birth gender. They are still their birth gender. That’s what I believe. And I KNOW this to be true.
If you are asking me to use their personal pronouns, you obviously believe in Gender Fluidity. And that’s fine. You can believe whatever you want to believe. If fact, I will fight for you to have the Right to believe, whatever you want to believe. And I understand that you KNOW Gender Fluidity to be true. I know that you are absolutely positive that Gender Fluidity is right.
My question is this… “Are you telling me that I must give up my beliefs in favor of yours or are you telling me that I must lie?”
21 replies on “Gender Honest”
My mom used to refer to me as the Polish Prince or Child of the Medici’s (I am of Polish and Italian extract).
I think I will use some form of those as my pronouns. Though Bobby Vinton’s family may take offense.
The main thing I would change is to switch out ‘Gender Fluid’ for ‘Gender Arbitrary’.
Using “Fluid” plays into their narrative, that the situation is changeable but real and like a fluid subject to flow direction due to immutable laws of physics. The concept that gender arbitrariness is natural and normal is baked into the phrase ‘gender fluid’.
Instead using “arbitrary” means that it is capricious and whimsical.
Adjective: arbitrary
1. Based on or subject to individual discretion or preference or sometimes impulse or caprice.
[WordWeb.info]
I would love to get in a discussion with a Human Resources department on the nature of the word ‘arbitrary’. As in …
“If it’s not arbitrary, meaning subject to individual discretion or preference, then what is it? Isn’t individual discretion or preference exactly what is at issue here?”
“If it is arbitrary, which seems to fit the definition exactly, then why are my personal preferences or individual discretions not equally valid and important? Why does that person get more rights and consideration than I and everyone else like me do?”
I’d probably mumble something about a lawsuit based on discrimination and violations of my First Amendment Rights while I was having that conversation too.
No sense in giving any ground you don’t have to. The other side uses language as a weapon, we should return fire whenever possible. Try hard not to use their own terms and phrases, which they have themselves created definitions for and are loaded with bias towards their position.
For example take the word ‘homophobe’. That word was invented to be a derogatory disparagement of anyone who doesn’t fully support every aspect of homosexuality. It literally means “fear of homosexuals”. I don’t know about you but I don’t fear anyone based on their sexual orientation at all, under any circumstances. I refuse to wear a label like that and if someone accuses me of being a ‘homophobe’ I go to great lengths to object and prove by argument that I cannot possibly be that thing. Beginning with “I can’t possibly be a homophobe because …” — Then turn it back on them and make them prove a genuine fear of anything and don’t let them arbitrarily and one-sidedly define what constitutes genuine fear. The very concept they’re trying to apply is absurd.
The same thing goes for this gender arbitrary nonsense.
They’ll run out of arguments very quickly because they really don’t have any that make sense. THEN the situation will degrade to “Well you have to do this because we say so and we have the power to make you.”
At that point the next move is your call. Under no circumstances would I contemplate resignation. I would just refuse to comply and make them fire me, if that’s what they felt they had to do. Then there’s grounds for a lawsuit.
If you’re going to have any hope of prevailing in your position you have to avoid these language traps. Don’t use their jargon, it’s intentionally crafted to suck you in.
I like Gender Arbitrary. I’ll use that. I came up with Gender Honest earlier today. That’s what inspired me to write this.
‘Gender Honest’ is also a great idea, it combats the Left’s use of language as a weapon by counterfire. The lingual and psychological implication is that there must then exist the diametrically opposed “Gender Dishonest”, which shines some light on the real situation because the other side is absolutely involved in dishonesty. It’s a good way to refer to yourself without having to come right out and call a transgender person ‘dishonest’ or a liar. You’re still calling them dishonest and liars but this is more subtle and less likely to get you in trouble.
Another way of approaching this is to delineate a distinct difference between ‘actual gender’ and ‘virtual gender’ or ‘subjective gender’. If a boy with a ‘Y’ chromosome wants to dress up and play that he’s a girl, that’s his business but his actual gender is still male despite anything he might wish the world to change in order to accommodate his virtual or subjective gender.
That example’s ‘actual gender’ is going to be male until the day science figures out how to give him a double ‘X’ chromosome pair to replace his ‘XY’ pair and THAT is the science of the situation.
All of that said, the real problem isn’t the transgender person’s kinks, fetishes and foibles. It’s that people are trying to use power to coerce your speech. People who are not transgender are attempting to force you to speak in a manner that you would choose not to. The transgender weirdos are just a willing vessel.
Compelled speech has never in the history of the United States of America been applied in this manor. You can be compelled to swear an oath in court or in the military but you still have the choice not to do so and suffer the consequences. I can give examples of those instances and consequences for compelling an oath but for now let’s just stipulate that’s so.
If someone changes their name legally then that’s their legal name and you should use it in their presence or when referring to them publicly. A legal name change is a legal name change, it would be impolite to refer to a married woman by her maiden name and this is the same class of thing.
Using a girls name does not make a man a girl, it makes him a man with a girl’s name. That’s the honest truth. There is no onus cast upon you for calling someone by their legal name. If they haven’t legally changed their name you have every right to call them by their original legal name. Otherwise all that person is doing is making up the nickname they would like to be called and we all know you never get to pick your own nickname.
No one has any legal or Constitutional right to force you to use their preferred pronoun(s). That’s a completely different thing than a legal name change. That’s along the same line as legislating politeness.
I’m great with faces but terrible with names, I’m sure I’d be no better with invented or incorrect pronouns than I am with names. Passing a law or company rule that requires people to remember and apply every person’s individual pronoun(s) is an absurd exercise in futility. I would just continue being ‘gender honest’ and if called on a pronoun issue claim I’m even worse with abstruse, exotic ungrammatical pronouns than I am with names.
I prefer either gender confused or gender dysphoria. Gender fluid sounds like something sticky that you don’t want on your hands.
Sounds like a joke to play on the new guy.
“Hey, looks like we’re out of Gender Fluid. Go down to the auto parts and buy some.”
Tom, we actually did this to a new hire, asked
himthat person to go down to the builders supply store to get some …..“sky hooks”.
I prefer “disgusting repulsive degenerate weirdo that drags his/her kinky fetish out in public and demands the whole world play his/her sick depraved sex game” but sometimes personal preferences are secondary to situational considerations …
Chris was asking about how to approach the problem at work. I was trying to give him some ammo in the language wars.
If you call a man who demands he’s a woman “gender confused” he will deny being confused and insist he’s absolutely certain. If you toss “gender dysphoria” into the conversation with such a person he will simply claim you’re not a psychologist or psychiatrist and your diagnosis is invalid. Those are both descriptive of traits and easy to argue against, though obviously the argument is false.
Instead I’m trying to give Chris a way to attack the label itself, not the person. A way to combat the narrative that at least holds some hope of making it past his corporate dictates. ‘Gender arbitrary’ works for that purpose though I personally would prefer much more direct language.
I’m fine with attacking the person, verbally and non-violently. Unless he attacks me with physical violence, which would be his grave mistake. I’d have that he-bitch either in tears or taking a swing at me. If the former I’d laugh and take out my phone to get a picture or video. If the latter, I’d defend myself and prosecute or sue. But I don’t have a corporate Human Resources Department to worry about.
You’re right though, ‘gender fluid’ sounds like something sticky and riddled with STDs. If someone told me they were ‘gender fluid’ I’d tell them to never ever get any of that goop on me.
I like your alternative, descriptive phraseology; however, I am not even remotely that verbose.
I agree with your arguments against my word choices; however, the same line of illogical thinking (not yours) will “counter” any rational word choices. The counter to your suggestion is simply, “It’s not arbitrary. It’s very specific to an individual’s current identity. Your transphobia obviously requires some more
trainingreconditioning.”When dealing with irrational people and their enablers, there is no way that a rational argument will convince them otherwise. Unfortunately, the same goes for Chris’ HR department (and my own for that matter). The insanity has stuck to many people, and it’s sticky like gender fluid.
David – not beind as verbose as ACTS(TM) is hardly a unique position!!
And he would agree I am sure.
Lol, agreed, laughed and clicked the like button.
Your line in the second to last paragraph needs a correction…
Either add a “for” to “I will fight for you to have the Right”
or
change “you” to “I”, and “believe whatever I want to believe”
and I suspect while the first is what you meant to right, the second is what you mean to say 🙂
I would have to echo what Tom wrote and say it depends on the local situation. If you just have to attend a lecture, put up with it and then act subversively later. If you have to fill out a form with your own pronouns and they have a question and answer session after the lecture, I would be really tempted to find all of the silly questions I could find from similar posts and ask them. Make them defend the absurdity of this, be the child that says the emperor has no clothes, and see what they say.
On the other hand, if they are trying to justify their titles and pay by making work for themselves and are just codifying what would be decent interpersonal interaction (if I call an ugly woman a guy, well I can refer to him as her if he really wants) then you could just go with it because it isn’t worth the fight.
oh, and its “Lutheran”… yes I am a heretic.
Great catches! Thanks for that. The post has been updated. Apparently, I completely ignored spellcheck. I’m such a savage.
Hi, I was assigned “Hobbit-like-creature” at birth but I identify as Gollum. My pronouns are Precious/The Precious. I’m wearing greenish skin and a loincloth, because nothing makes blind people feel included like assuming they care what you’re wearing.
Yes, the essence of the matter is they are trying to require you to lie. Lying is an intrinsic evil and would violate your conscience.
Theoretically, you stand firm, take it all the way to the supreme court, which decides in your favor and this whole thing is straightened out for all of use once and for all.
Realistically, it depends on your situation. Do you need to simply listen to a lecture without participating and then be unlikely to encounter the issue in your daily work? Are you required to affirm your agreement and demonstrate it frequently?
One possibility is to realize that no one really believes any of this, even those demanding it.
Also, If I’m hiding Jews in my attic and the Gestapo asks if I have Jews in my basement, the correct answer is “no”.
If you are introduced to a “woman” who looks a heck of a lot like a man but you haven’t seen a birth certificate, you can give “her” the benefit of the doubt. There is always the chance she is just a really ugly woman and it would be a greater evil to accuse her of being a man.
That being said, it would be fun to ask a few questions.
Do my pronouns need to be found in a dictionary or can I literally make up anything I want? I identify as “Your Majesty”. I can’t use that? Are you denying my pronouns?
How often can I change them? What is the procedure for informing everyone so they don’t misgender me? What if they change very frequently? Stick with something gender neutral you say? Are you trying to tell me what pronouns to use?
I think I will go with a pronoun of “Master of the Seven Heavens and all that is Right and True.” But you can call me “Master” for short. I love the idea of asking LOTS of questions and I will definitely do that, if pressured. Thanks!
I was going to add a comment much like Tom’s. If we are still limiting pronouns to he/she his/hers then I will address a coworker as he/she appears.
I will not use they / them to refer to one person. That is incorrect usage. I don’t do this for my daughter’s best friend who now dresses as a woman and whom I was asked to refer to as they. I use the new name when present, but my wife and I still refer to his original name when we are by ourselves, it’s what we knew for 18 years. If I am not going to do it for someone I have known for almost 2 decades, why would I change for a stranger?
Do we all need to know and use the oddball ones; Steve Green posted someone who uses frog as a pronoun on his Insanity Wrap on PJM. This week’s gem has fae/faeself. I am not sure how to even pronounce those “words”. And they are apparently offensive to paganists. So do you have to use those if they might be offensive to unknown others?
Ask tons of questions, but do it as if you are really concerned about getting it right, not like you are pointing out the insanity of it. At least not until the end of the discussion.
The procedural ones for how we are supposed to know, how they are updated and frequency of change are really good. The HR folks might go into brainlock and ask Norman to coordinate.
RSAE, I have finally given up on personal pronouns altogether! One of my coworkers, when this person was first hired, I threw all pronouns out the window and used the person’s name in place of the pronoun. Obvious? Yes. Awkward? Oh, indeed. When discussing this person with someone else, I’d always say with an obvious pause before, “Well, when ……….Alex……..went into the tool room to get the wrench…”
Awkward as hell, but you can never go wrong using the first name or just “person”.
Tell that to Nicolas Meriwether, a philosophy professor at Shawnee State University in Portsmouth, Ohio and others like him:
https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/opinion/professor-wanted-to-use-a-students-name-instead-of-transgender-pronoun-now-hes-suing-the-school-for-forcing-him-to-use-it
This insanity will never stop. Our only recourse is the same as that which was concluded by the WOPR with respect to thermonuclear war:
I once asked a particularly militant leftist: explain to me how I use a pronoun other than “you” in front of the person about whom I am speaking. In which case my use of the wrong pronoun, in their absence, cannot possibly be offensive because the person can’t know unless someone else says something to them.
In that case, the person who snitched actually caused the offense.
*head explodes* (alas only figuratively)
If a tree falls…..
I would change to read, ““Are you telling me that I must give up my beliefs in favor of yours or are you just asking me to simply violate my belief system and lie about it?”
Elon Musk said it well, “Forcing your pronouns upon others when they didn’t ask, and implicitly ostracizing those who don’t, is neither good nor kind to anyone.”