So I’ve come to an epiphany I’d like to share, for what it’s worth.
I grew up in a deep blue state in a deep blue family. My dad got his news from Ken Burns, PBS and the New Yorker, and resented his traditional father. My mother got her news from People magazine and the only books she was interested in were celebrity biographies. My siblings think Trevor Noah is a national treasure, and if it’s on Instagram it must be true. I wonder, how many of you out there are in my shoes?
We are the Alex P. Keaton’s, as it were.
Well, I spent a lot of time fighting with them, feeling dejected and indignant. Couldn’t they see how they vote against their own interests? It was apparent they thought I was some weird religious zealot trying to evangelize them.
And then at Thanksgiving I just stopped all that. At some point, these holidays, stressful as they are, will be gone. The day is coming when my parents will be gone, the house will belong to another family, and everything that annoyed me will be irrelevant.
(Usually after driving home from a family event is white-knuckled and talking to myself the whole way, but this time was different.) I felt real peace.
If they want to change their minds, they will, but it’s time to accept I’m not the one well-spoken enough to do it. Maybe if we just live our lives well and according to our principles, it’ll bear it own fruit and others will take notice.
My wonderful husband and our great kids don’t think I’m crazy, so that keeps the blood pressure down. We’re all on the same page.
Anyway, I wanted to share the happiness the holiday season bestowed should it help anyone else.
Merry Christmas!
16 replies on “Being Conservative in a Liberal Family”
I can certainly sympathize, having family (wife included) who with few exceptions are to my left and some of whom have in the past been rather vocal about it. Family gatherings used to instill much greater discomfort in me. The funny thing in my case is, now that I’ve become much more comfortable in my own skin (through years of reflection and building/understanding the reasons and logic underpinning my philosophy/beliefs, helped in no small part by Bill’s good work), nobody seems to want to bring up politics around me. I have too many inconvenient questions, and any discussions that do start tend to end very quickly with others not wanting to talk about it anymore. It’s almost disappointing in a way — like having honed my skills for a tournament where no one else wants to compete anymore. It probably helps that I’m not on Facebook and never have been, so in person is about the only place it can come up. My mother-in-law has finally learned not to email me political articles. Life is much more easy-going than it used to be, but in a way I regret that — feeling like I’m missing potential opportunities to change minds.
Oh my gosh, I hear you. It’s important to hold the line and not feel bad about it. Maybe at some point people come to you with questions, that’s what I’m hoping for, haha. I have faith!
Merriest of Christmases 😀
I am of a different mindset, I have chosen to divorce myself from such people, including family. I will not tolerate such people stealing from my peace of mind. They can’t be part of my life anymore. Bridges burned. No regrets.
I’ve recently come to the same conclusion. No point in arguing or trying to persuade. Just love them.
Merry Christmas to you and yours.
Edit: But I see others have said the same. Good for them!
I agree that it’s barely worth the argument, and perhaps if you’re successful and happy people will see that.
However I have noticed that certain groups of people seem to not be content with a status quo and always feel the need to force their sexuality, politics, environmentalism, vegetables etc down your throat.
Perhaps as someone pointed out on a previous post for Thanksgiving, the answer is to simple divert the topic to football and grab another can of beer.
True. Some years your eye balls get a real good work out what with all the rolling.
I went back and found that post – thanks for telling me about it, so good!
Merry Christmas to you and yours.
Thank you! You too!
Thank you! I learned a while back the same lesson. Grandparents, Mother, Father, Aunts, Brother and Sister now gone gives meaning to be grateful for what is and release the need to be right or convince others. Blessings!
What a lovely post. Like you, I am a lone wolf in a family of liberal sheep. They are so convinced of their beliefs that sometime I have to wonder if there isn’t two universes laying side by side on this world; each with a reality up-side-down from the other. In one, Trump is truly a liar, a thief and a monster. In the other…well…you know. And that there is a foamy plasma along the edge where the two universes touch, annihilating alternative facts that they may never pass from one universe to the other. Sometime, I have to settle for that.
Merry Christmas.
Letting go of the desire to change other people when they’re not willing to change themselves. It’s quite a realization, isn’t it? 🙂
Mine came when I was arguing in email with my ex-wife, about a year after our divorce was final. I was typing a reply and it struck me, “Why am I bothering with this? Nothing is going to change and I will accomplish nothing by continuing.” I deleted my reply and have been in contact with her perhaps five times in the 17 years since.
I’ve since done the same with pretty much all the people who drag my life down and I’m much happier for it.
I have a similar problem with my children. I try to explain that PDT is not an evil incarnate dictator. The two of them did not know of any of his achievements, or that he has finally managed to have a semblance of peace in the Middle East. The majority of my Zuckerbook friends insist that PDT IS the problem, despite their MSM talking points I just keep scrolling now. I am so tired of trying to get them to see any other point of view. Also due to the Chinese virus I am unable to spend Christmas with my Mom, for the first time in over 30 odd years. She is 91 and I want her to get to see her 92 birthday. Merry Christmas to you and yours.
Sending a prayer to you and your mom, hope these dreadful mandates are over soon.
So true! Sometimes we are so used to the pattern of fighting, we forget we can actually opt-out. In a way it’s both empowering and humbling.
Now I first look for ways not to enter into a discussion about things like politics. It’s more fun to sit back and watch the fireworks anyway.