Friday Rant 04-12-19

   “Blame Whitey mania” arrived at race-hustler Al (not-too) Sharp-ton’s “house of justice” this week and the cavalcade of clown car candidates couldn’t buy votes show their support through reparations fast enough. Because nothing says “justice” quite like extorting money from people who never owned a slave to give to others who never were one.
   Alexandria Occasionally-Colored used the event to continue channelling her inner Hillary Clinton, pandering to the mostly African-American audience in a ridiculous fake black accent.  How long before she tells us she don’t feel no ways tahred? When called on it, Ojos-Locos immediately pulled out her victim-card, and the Dem-Fake-News Media rushed to her defense. Sadly, the highly-edited TV version of the incident carefully omitted the part where she tap danced across the stage, wearing a watermelon shell hat, juggling chicken wings and packets of hot sauce, while singing Hey Lawdy Lawdy, de Massah’s Gone Away!
   Apparently, her anti-American Commie, Congress-sisters were not content letting Potato-Cortex have all the fun. Ilhan Omar, the Israel-hating, ravingly anti-semitic Muslim rep from Minnesota, decided to trivialize 9/11, telling an Islamic crowd that “CAIR was founded after 9/11” (spoiler alert – it began in 1994) because “some people did something and that all of us (Muslims) were starting to lose access to our civil liberties.” I’m old enough to remember when mentally ill people were put in hospitals, not Congress.
   As we await the release of the Mueller report next week, the REEEE heard ’round the world was when Attorney General Barr acknowledged that President Trump was right: his campaign was spied on, and the DOJ is launching an investigation into the matter. Nancy Pelosi lost her botox-addled mind over it and the same Enemedia that repeatedly invites Schiff, Swalwell and Waters on their programs to make scurrilous, evidence-free claims about PDJT were shrieking that Barr made this claim “without evidence.” As they say, if you’re getting flak, you know you’re over the target. This should be fun!
   In a massive overhaul at the ineffective DHS, Secretary Nielsen has stepped down and the director of the US Secret Service has been shown the door. I’m not sure how much credence to give the rumors that Trump will appoint his old palKevin McCallister to head Homeland Security because “this kid really knows how to defend a home.” I also heard he’s tapped Joe “hands” Biden for the new head of the TSA because his proclivity for violating people’s personal space and privacy will aid the agency in their daily groping of American citizens.
   In Clown Minivan News: It was a busy week for the Commiecrat Bernie. First he came out in support of convicted felons voting from behind bars. Seems legit since most of the people they’d vote for belong behind bars! Next the hypocritical Socialist finally, reluctantly admitted to being part of his despised one percent. Delicious! Then on Wednesday, Bolshevik Bernie introduced a revamped “medicare-for-all” bill that would completely destroy the medical insurance and pharmaceutical industries. I hope McTurtle brings it to the floor for a vote where I’d expect it to do about as well as AOCrazy’s Green Raw Deal. Looks like Faux-cahontas may soon be sending up a smoke signal that says “I will fight no more forever,” as a new poll showed she’s trailing the field badly IN HER HOME STATE of Massachussetts! There goes her 1/1024% chance for the nomination. Too bad, though. Trump would have eradicated her candidacy like the American buffalo. Not to worry, because Eric Swalwell – the douchenugget who said he’drelieve us deplorables of our guns even if doing so requires setting off a thermonuclear device or two – is now officially gunning for the Presidency. And the latest Dem-Media candidate du jour is some Commie, gay guy from thethriving wasteland of South Bend, IN, named Butt-plug or something, who seems to have a hard on for Mike Pence. So far, despite having no other policies other than being openly gay, he’s passing himself off as a centrist who will bring us all together in a festival of hugging and Kumbaya. Let’s hope America isn’t stupid enough to fall for another pinko in sheep’s clothing like this Buttigieg dude.
   Speaking of Dumb-ocrat pervs and weirdos, Anthony Weiner was forced to register as a sex offender following his early release from prison, race-hoaxterJussie Smollett is being sued by the city of Chicago for the cost of investigating his fake attack, and creepy porn lawyer Michael Avenatti was indicted on 36 federal felony counts and faces up to 355 years if convicted. Wow! 335 years? That’s a lot of prison rape. Also, in Germany, our former narcissist in chief set a new personal record, referring to himself a whopping 392 times in a 90 minute speech! Barack sure loves him some Barack!
   Looks like Netanyahu was narrowly re-elected to a record 5th term as Israeli PM. Without injecting myself into Israeli politics, the sound of heads exploding over at the NY Slimes and looks of utter despair over at MSLSD over it, were music to my ears. If it offends Chris Matthews, it is inherently a good thing!
   The long-awaited first ever picture of a black hole was revealed, Wednesday, and it was spectacular. The image, compiled by synchronizing results from radio telescopes all around the globe, could potentially change everything we think we know about physics. Granted, Washington DC had already given us a pretty good idea of what a black hole looks like, BUTT still, #BlackHolesMatter!
   For anyone crazy enough to let one of those spying devices into your house comes word that Amazon employs thousands of people around the world to listen in on what people are saying to Alexa. Back in the 60’s: “Don’t say that over the phone or the government might wiretap my house.” Today: “Hey wiretap, do you have a recipe for pancakes?”
   Did you see Candace Owens slapping around Ted Lieu-ser for deliberately misrepresenting her past comments and then ripping Jerry Nad-less’ balls off and stashing them in her purse regarding who was calling whom stupid during Congressional testimony this week? It’s the feel good video of the year.
   Finally, Monday is April 15th, the day we all bend over and take it from the tax man. As I expected, those of us still living in the People’s Republic of NY are getting royally screwed! I only wish complaining about taxes was deductible!