God Joins U.S. Protests

The Almighty God administration announced today that it has decided to join BLM and Antifa in their mostly peaceful protests by burning millions of acres of land in California.

Heavenly spokesangel Gabriel said, at a press briefing on Monday, “The Lord has taken a look at cancel culture and decided that He doesn’t want to offend anyone. He has chosen to step in and help leftist demonstrators, following their tactic of burning down cities by employing wildfires to emulate their righteous campaign of setting cities aflame to destroy evil, capitalist America.”

Gabriel continued, “Once California is gone, God will move on to wipe out the southern and Atlantic states with multiple category 5 hurricanes, then stop all rain in the Midwest to turn the region into a dusty wasteland. This ‘Take America Down’ (TAD) campaign will be livestreamed on Twitch, the official streaming platform of the Heavenly Host™.”

He also said that northern cities such as Minneapolis and Portland will be left alone because “those cute little wokey kids already have those taken care of.”

Asked if the wildfires were actually caused by leftist mismanagement of California’s dry landscape and not by God, Gabriel shouted, “Support TAD!” He then quickly ended the presser by hurrying off the podium.