Mueller-Burger

New from that freshly minted DC dumpster fire and dive restaurant it’s the Mueller-Burger!

First we start with a bun…but not just any bun.  This bun is gluten free.  It’s also free of nutrition…and taste.  At one point it was used as a space shuttle tile until the NASA administration wonks discovered that the tile was glued inappropriately to someone named Wasserman-Schultz with 3 ounces of super glue but yet it still wouldn’t stick!  So they instead decided to use it as a food-stuff-ish type of thing.

Then we take eleven 9 pounds of ground Chuck but not any old Chuck…this Chuck is Schumer-licious.  It’s been tested to be 0.00000009th % lean!  We need eleven 9 pounds to render the minute amount of ‘meat’ that we use in the Mueller-Burger because….well, we know why, don’t we?

Next up is Aunt Nan’s pickle fresh from the Bronx.  Green sour puss anyone?

Then there’s a batch of freshly picked … what? you can’t find anyone to pick the lettuce?  Really? Even with all those people at the Bord….okay, hold the lettuce.

Tomato?  Whaddya mean ‘what’s that?’.

From this point on the rest is up to you.  You can attempt to eat this load of…sorry, this finely crafted creation.  Or you can attempt to reason with it but that would prove to be a waste of…..rather, please do reason with it… there’s no reasoning happening there after all. 

Or you can attempt to …wait, forget that…Hil…I mean…no, never mind.

Or you can do what all logical, reasonable people have done with this creation since the beginning; Put new batteries in your Bull$hit meter and go on your merry way, but, when it comes time to vote do make sure you vote on the indigestion that this gastronomic waste of time has given to you and all the rest of your fellow Americans.

Blink twice.  It’s 2020.