WASHINGTON D.C.- Sources in the Senate report that Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-NY) took decisive action immediately after Thom Tillis (R-NC) was declared the winner of the Senate race in North Carolina. The victory secured a 49-48 majority in the Senate for Republicans.
After hearing the news of Tillis’s victory, Senate Minority Leader Schumer heroically raced down to Capitol Hill and raided the Senate cloakroom. After retrieving every article of clothing he could find he dashed down to the Senate chamber and piled all the coats, jackets, gloves, hats and scarves that he had collected onto the desks of current Georgia Senators David Perdue and Kelly Loeffler. Senator Schumer then stood watch at his own desk and victoriously proclaimed to anyone who could hear that, sadly, those seats were already taken by John Ossoff and Raphael Warnock.
“Everyone knows that’s not how it works,” Mitch McConnell snoozed. “If the person you are saving the seat for is not in the building then it doesn’t count. If my esteemed colleague thinks this clever stunt will work he’s in for a big surprise.”
Michael Stenger, Sergeant at Arms for the Senate, will wait the customary ten minutes before forcibly removing the garments himself and returning them to the cloakroom.
4 replies on “Senator Chuck Schumer Raids Senate Cloakroom to Save The Republic”
How infantile can this man get? I’m sorry that he is a senator from my state because he sure is not the adult that is required to represent me!
This is pretty obviously satire.
Granted! But it still is no way for a United States Senator to act! Sorry, I got carried away because here in NY, we can’t seem to get rid if this man.
And, regarding satire, Poe’s law is always in effect.
Does Schumer get all his votes from the city or is he more broadly popular across the state?