Take Off: Jetson Law Allows Flying Cars to Use New Hampshire Roads

Then … Please allow me to explain my interpretation of why what Randy said was offensive.

“You are forgetting about …” means that I didn’t think of something. I did think of those things but I’m trying to be brief and not write full blown essays. Saying that means that Randy believes I did not fully consider what I said, and I did.

I should not be required to post every single angle of every single idea in order to avoid being pounced on and my recollection impugned.

Had he said, “Have you considered that …” then what he would be saying is “I would like to discuss this further point” not “Your memory is faulty or inadequate.”

Randy’s point was not in itself offensive, it was the way he presented it that offended me and it offended me enough to generate umbrage. Because it was in effect calling me stupid for not addressing his point before he ever made it. I don’t like that and I don’t tolerate that from people. If you choose to do so, that is entirely your own affair and I would support you either way while still maintaining that my way is the better.

I’m also not telling Randy or anyone else how to speak (or in this case write) to other people. That is his choice and he can reap whatever consequences, good or bad, that he merits from his choice of words.

That said, when I address someone in an online forum that I have no quarrel with I choose my words carefully, as I am doing with you. Because I have no quarrel with you at all. Where Randy said I was omitting something because I “forgot” about it, he was implying a shortcoming on my part that does not exist.

Because you said, “I saw no ‘offense’ in his original response to you, but I guess ‘offense’ is in the eye of the beholder…”, you were not commenting on my shortcomings or positions. You were expressing your opinion of what I said as it pertains to you. You didn’t make any reference to me other than that you perhaps didn’t understand why I might say the things I said. Which is what prompted me, as you were replying to me, to reply to you and explain. Had Randy done likewise I would have taken no offense.

When I post a comment to someone, until they give me reason to do otherwise, I use language that avoids accusing them of anything, of missing something, of forgetting something, or any other sort of implication that is personal to them. I speak (or write) like you did, in a tense that is personal to me.

That is the civil thing to do.

I’m old, a curmudgeon, and come from a time and place when/where civility was important. A time when you didn’t just blurt out the first thing that came to your mind unfiltered because doing so can initiate a fight. The reason for the fight wasn’t a few words, it was the attitude that those few words betrayed. So people like me are careful to check our attitudes and avoid giving offense where none is intended. Conversely if I give offense you may be certain it was fully intentional.

What Randy said, to someone like me, is the same thing as calling me stupid because I didn’t cover the thing that he thinks he’s so much smarter than me that he could see it and I “forgot” it. It doesn’t matter if he says “I hate to say that you forgot blah, blah, blah” or he says “Hey, dipstyck (not the word I want to use), apparently you’re too stupid to realize blah, blah, blah.” It’s the same thing in different words. If I were replying to someone who said what I said I would not say something like that unless I was looking for a fight and in that case I’m essentially saying “Bring it”.

Further, I despise when people try to hide behind “Oh, I didn’t actually say that” or “I didn’t really mean to offend you.” For example, one family Thanksgiving dinner my eldest son was acting up and I firmly but politely told him to “settle down”. He gave me “the look”. I said, “That look is the same thing as saying out loud ‘Eff YOU, Dad” and told him he got one pass. Do it again and he and I will be making a trip to the woodshed.”

Today that son is an electrical engineer, a good father, husband and a good man. The other one, I have two, is second in command of a US Naval Base. I’m very proud of and close to both of them, and their families. Just incase anyone thinks that growing up with me for a Dad was some sort of warping experience. Both of my boys are scrupulously and meticulously polite and if they’re not being polite to you it means they’re ready to engage you to whatever degree is appropriate.

In my world it is not inappropriate to call someone out on uncivil behavior. Not only is it not inappropriate, it’s not optional either. If someone wants to make personal comments about my mentality then I and that person are going to have conflict. So be it, I do not avoid conflict just for the sake of avoiding conflict. I understand that other people may have been raised differently than me or come from a different background than I do and while I’m aware of that it makes no difference to me. I give as good as I get, anyone who is polite to me will get civility in return and if they’re not polite to me they’ll get what I see as their just deserts. While I cannot teach the whole world a lesson, I can certainly teach people that you don’t tread on me without consequences.

This is a “code” that I live by and in my view the world would be a much better, more civilized place if everyone else did too.

If you have any further questions about what offends me feel free to ask. I’ll write another essay and try to explain it to you.