Weekly Rant 03-08-20

   First to face reality was Tom Styrofoam who quickly called it quits after getting smoked by Sleepy Joe in SC. Over the weekend, in a well orchestrated series of events, we learned that Buttboy was packing it in, Amy’s “Klo-mentum” was Klo-put, and all 3 endorsed Dementia Joe. By the time the votes were counted Tuesday night, it looked like Dems were rejecting the Marxist near octogenarian‘s open support of murdering dictators, (preferring to do that quietly behind the scenes as usual), that even with all the money in the world Soda-Banning Frodo had come up short, and Lie-awatha had been scalped after coming in 3rd place in her HOME STATE of MA.
   On Wednesday, after finally realizing that he’d paid a whopping $12.2 million for each delegate that he won and that the voters obviously didn’t think he measured up, Mike the Tyke endorsed Creepy Joe, packed up his money bags and went home. (Great, now what am I going to do with all those “Mike 2020” t-shirts?) On a side note, did you see that hilarious display of Common Core math from Brian Williams and NYT editor Maya Gay over how much money Doomberg spent? Now that was priceless!
   By Thursday, after realizing her chances of winning were now 0/1024, Screeches with Fist’s Trail of Tears came to an end as she announced she was exiting the race, with no reservations. True to form, b!tchy Pocahasbeen thus far has refused to endorse either of the two remaining viable candidates. While she’s undoubtedly horse trading for a big payoff from one of them (a teepee on Martha’s Vinyard perhaps?), if that doesn’t pan out she can always get a job at a casino. As for me, I’m crestfallen that Quitting Bull has left taking so many great Indian jokes with her.
   So now the party of diversity’s massive 2020 Clown Car is down to an old white male Communist, an old white male Alzheimer’s patient and Tulsi Gabbard, a young, attractive, veteran “woman of color”, (who for some reason hasn’t quit yet). So naturally, they’re rejecting her. They once again changed their debate rules to make sure she doesn’t get within 100 miles of next week’s Bernie and Biden snooze-fest. Because the last thing they want is someone like her standing next to those 2 old farts providing contrast and making (relative) sense. (She is a Lib-Dem after all). So much for empowerment of woman and minorities.
   It remains to be seen if Sanders will fight for the Democratic nomination and not roll over for the establishment as he did in 2016. If he wants it, he’ll call out JoeMentia for his many recent lapses and learn to say Povernennya Dytyny. So far, it looks like he’s going to take another dive, which might just leave his Bernie Bros. upset enough to stay home or actually vote for Trump in November. After all, the enemy of my enemy is my friend, right? As for Plugs, the best line I heard so far was that Biden has spent his entire life trying to succeed in Presidential politics, and now he finally has…too bad he’s not there to enjoy it! Popcorn. Get your Popcorn!
   At a pro-abortion demonstration outside the SCOTUS this week, Chuck Tumor threatened 2 of the court’s conservative justices, by name, should they decide an abortion case against his wishes. “I want to tell you, Gorsuch, I want to tell you, Kavanaugh,” he said, “You have released the whirlwind, and you will pay the price. You will not know what hit you if you go forward with these awful decisions.” Facing a severe rebuke, the next day Schemer issued a non-apology saying his violent rhetoric inciting an angry mob outside the court in a blatant attempt at intimidation was mere “Brooklyn” tough talk. What a screaming putz! Trump can’t call murderous gang members “animals” without being labeled a racist yet this crap weasel can get away with nakedly threatening judges by pretending it was a metaphorical threat to all elected republicans? Of course he can. Because he’s a Democrat so rules don’t apply…and context…and…Trump said mean things to RBG! Schmuckles is probably just upset that his wife Lt. Col. Vindman is now at home with him instead of deep stating at the White House.
  Did you see Trashida Tlaib’s bizarre rant at that same pro-abortion rally? The Palestinian Porker actually said, if you believe in the rights of the unborn, “Maybe you shouldn’t even want to have sex with me!” No worries there, hon – I wouldn’t even let my dog mount you. And after seeing your face, I’m beginning to understand why Arab men make you wear veils.
   The Democrat circular firing squad claimed another victim this week as Far Left icon Chris – barking dog – Matthews was booted from MSDNC for not spouting the Demmunist party line at all times. Matthews, who was famous for getting a “thrill up my leg”  and “a slight tingling in my left nut” when listening to Obama speak, was allegedly on the outs with management after comparing Bernie Sanders’ win in the Nevada caucuses to the Nazi invasion of France in World War II. Apparently, only Republicans are allowed to be compared to Nazis on the alleged news outlet. Mr. Tingles opened his show Monday night by announcing his “resignation” and was gone immediately after the first commercial break. He went down faster than Michael Moore on a free cheeseburger! So let’s all settle down with a tall cool glass of schadenfreude that the tolerant, big tent left has “cancelled” yet another of their own. Yesterday’s friend becomes today’s human sacrifice. So long “leg thrills”  – you won’t be missed.
   As the corona virus spreads here in the U.S., it’s important to keep things in perspective. The Wuhan Flu is a real threat, but most of the hysteria is coming from the Dem-Media Complex who are blaming it on Trump since it’s their only chance of winning in November. The CDC estimates that 18,000 Americans will die from the regular flu this season, (which will certainly not prevent them from voting Democrat in the fall), but that can’t be weaponized against Orange Hitler, so you’ll never hear about it. The same crowd screaming that Trump is is inept, (like Dementia Joe), called him xenophobic for limiting flights from China and racist for trying to close the border even as hundreds of Chinese nationals were caught illegally crossing it since the outbreak began.
   Don’t forget, we have the best healthcare system in the world, and there are already several treatments and vaccines in the pipeline. And we have the best people on the planet on it. We’ll get through this. The vast majority of known fatalities involve the elderly or those with pre-existing conditions that compromise either the immune system or lungs. So if that’s you, or people you love, take proper precautions. Otherwise, lay in some extra supplies, keep calm, wash your hands, and carry on. Whatever you do, make sure not to touch your face like 2nd place silver medal recipient of the MIT 7th grade science fair, AOCOVID-19.
   Speaking of plagues, the Clintons are proving to be the hardest disease of all to eradicate. This week saw a new outbreak of the parasites of Chappaqua as they made the rounds hawking their new Hulu special. First up was drunk grandma, who stuck her newly ironed face in front of the TV cameras to blast Comrade Bernie and his minions for squawking about being screwed again by the Dem establishment. But it wasn’t so much the venom this chardonnay swilling harridan was spewing, we’re used to that. Did you see how ridiculous she looked? She must have applied her make-up with a trowel. Per PatriotRetort: I’ve long believed that Hillary Clinton has no friends.  And now I’m certain of it.  Because friends don’t let friends leave the house looking like a reject from RuPaul’s Drag Race.
   Next up was STD poster boy Bill making excuses and looking for sympathy for his infamous affair with Monica “humidor” Lewinsky. It turns out that Slick Willie had a very compelling reason for firing mayonnaise missiles at her on company time: it helped him “manage my anxieties.” Monica was “something that will take your mind off it for awhile.” What a a self-centered a**hole! Per Stilton’s Place: he viewed Lewinsky as something rather than someone. Which is why he could lie to her, bang her like a screen door in a windstorm, then have her declared a stalker and national security threat when she became a problem. But we suppose there is one small upside to his Caligula-like proclivities while in the White House: since Monica’s internship, the Oval Office has always been well stocked with plenty of wet wipes and potentially life-saving Purell.
   Finally, “if you like bean enchiladas, and getting caught in the rain,” you’ll love this guy’s hilarious routine on misheard song lyrics. Sometimes laughter is the best medicine.